Why can’t we have it all?
31 Days of Brannan – Day 9
[embedplusvideo height=”329″ width=”400″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1mIavny” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/qPiIThPmYkc?fs=1&vq=hd720″ vars=”ytid=qPiIThPmYkc&width=400&height=329&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=1&autoplay=0&react=0&chapters=¬es=” id=”ep7716″ /]
Today’s Playlist: Can’t Have It All
Author’s Note: Okay, so I wrote this one yesterday but like the dork I can be – I thought I pressed PUBLISH but instead only saved it as a draft. So here it is, a day late but as they say…
I’ve been contemplating the words to this song for some time now. It’s a concept that is not foreign to any of us – gay, straight, whatever race, creed or color. We want the best in life that it has to offer. Jay’s words in this song are universal in their reach and appeal. We’ve all been there at one time or another –
applying moisturizer in the microwave window
for the tenth time, he should have call me an hour ago
would he be here with flowers if i loved in Arizona?
they say there’s no love left in the big cities, it’s kinda true
i guess you’ll find me coming soon to the small town near you
i’ll sell my guitar so i can buy myself a tractor
fuck this, this can’t be my life
i moisturized ten times tonight
why can’t i sit down and write,
bring this question to light?Chorus:
do you want a lover, or do you want a life?
one hand or the other, the butter or the bread knife?
do you choose winter, spring, summer, or fall?
it’s driving me crazy that i can’t have it all
The pondering of what if’s. Nothing could be more hellish or cyclic and demoralizing than pondering those romantically laden ‘what-if’s’ – am I right?
Yet, because we strive for that moment of recognition, the ‘I see you…’ from some we find attractive or desirable, if only to validate that we matter somehow in this crazy fucked up world. The constant swimming upstream when everyone else, who already have that special someone get to coast along with the flow of life headed in the opposite direction. If anything so we can put down the struggle to connect with another human being in a meaningful and fulfilling way.
I particularly like Jay’s turnabout moment in the ‘fuck this, this can’t be my life, I moisturized ten times tonight…’ – humorous and yet so revealing in how we all feel at that poignant moment when we feel we just can’t bear it any more. Then that specter called defeat looms over our shoulder and whispers how much simpler it’d be if we just gave up the struggle. If we just pursued some life endeavor that would cloud the loss in us. That would sweep it under the rug of being aggressive in some other fulfilling part of our psyche. Overwhelm the hole in our heart with other pursuits.
Then Jay poses the questions that hang in the balance – ‘Do you want a lover, or do you want a life?’ A simple, if complicated, question to ponder. Ultimately he is pressing the whole concept of why do we have to ponder one over the other at all. But he presses on with the inner debate –
if these walls could talk, they’d probably cry out for mercy
’till i’m outlined in chalk, i’ll be romantically thirsty
so i drink and i drink from the proverbial time sink
fuck this, this can’t be my life
tears flowing in full force tonight
why can’t i sit down and write,
bring this question to light?Chorus:
do you want a lover, or do you want a life?
one hand or the other, the butter or the bread knife?
do you choose winter, spring, summer, or fall?
it’s driving me crazy that i can’t have it all
So now we’re at the emotive moment where we’re ready to throw in the towel. We’re over it – though our hearts scream and plead with us to keep up the search, to know that he’s out there, probably just as lost and lonely and we just haven’t turned the right corner, or bumped into them accidentally at the grocery store. You know, one of those movie land moments you see in all the rom-coms? But it is in the bridge that Brannan’s distinctive brand of pathos cuts and reveals the question we all have in ourselves. No matter how confident we may be in our lives, what we feel we’re worth, there is inherently some part of us deep within that constantly ponders – will someone find me special, find me worthy of their love and devotion?
Bridge:
do we hold the future, or does it come in peace?
and if it’s in my hands, are you sure it should be in brittle hands like these?
life, love, and the pursuit of, all the things they promised me
can i have all of the above? are the best things in life truly free?
These are heady moments when contemplating the value the love of another can bring to our lives. I’m lucky. I’ve got the man in my life that has blessed me with 20 years of his life by my side. Solid, unwavering and resolute that we’ll face everything together – up unto our last breaths. And if there’s a beyond… well, I’m sure we’d find each other then. Somehow.
Which brings us to the same round of questioning as before but with a defiant turn with the last line –
do you want a lover, or do you want a life?
one hand or the other, the butter or the bread knife?
do you choose winter, spring, summer, or fall?
it’s driving me crazy that i can’t have it all
And therein lies the rub: we should be able to have it all.
The Always, Then & Now Tour…
Please check out his site with links for his upcoming shows. I am definitely a late comer to the Brannan bandwagon whenever he pulls through my city. But now that I am going this year, I am making it a goal never to miss when he swings through town. I hope you take advantage of the opportunity as well. Also be sure to check out his web store at the following link.
- Jay’s Website – jaybrannan.com
He does it… Beautifully…
31 Days of Brannan – Day 7
[embedplusvideo height=”255″ width=”400″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1jcVECl” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/qqezNt0gYfU?fs=1&vq=hd720″ vars=”ytid=qqezNt0gYfU&width=400&height=255&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=1&autoplay=0&react=0&chapters=¬es=” id=”ep4027″ /]
Today’s Playlist – Beautifully (and the Behind the scenes)
I love the idea of pairing these two videos. Here is where Jay is pure bard. He spins one tale from the text of the song itself but with a clever and well chosen production crew they come up with a spin on it that is really a lovely twist on presenting the same tale but with a subtext that is just as riveting as the prose of the song.
The video is cast perfectly, with the strong chinned hero of the story – calling up the Hollywood leading men of the golden age of movie making. Indeed, the entire art direction was spot on with how they blended the classic films of that era and the behind the scenes of producing those types of classic movies.
The woman cast as the starlet who has fallen in love with her co-star (though he feigns either indifference or her status in “his” Hollywood isn’t up to snuff. He’s nice about it but his cold shoulder between ‘takes’ sets a very clear line in the sand between them). I also love the inference that she takes no notice of Jay’s character who seems to look longingly at her but as a theatre usher or bellboy (I couldn’t really tell which) he is beneath her noticing his interest – in other words, the cycle continues unabated.
This video works on many levels and I particularly liked the behind the scenes that he posted. Having a daughter who was a cinema major only increased my desire to look behind the creation of various cinema projects. I always look for behind the scene sequences on any DVD or digital download from iTunes. They’re sort of my guilty pleasure. I am just addicted to the creative process. Sort of a junkie for that sort of thing. Even though I spent many a hour under the spotlight of the stage, I was actually more at home hanging out with the production crew. I worked for a theatrical distributor (of theatre lighting and sound equipment and such) so the tech/production crew were my peeps. I understood them. I get what they’re about. Sure performing is cool and all – and I’ve been lucky enough to play to some very large houses but the tech crew were always home to me.
So thanks Jay for posting this. The people who are often only names during the credit roll. I think it’s totally cool that you gave them a moment on your channel.
I got to have my guilty pleasure of a BTS moment, and got to enjoy the fruits of your (and your crews) labors.
[embedplusvideo height=”255″ width=”400″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1jcVNFS” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/D8mhsgcVhJw?fs=1&vq=hd720″ vars=”ytid=D8mhsgcVhJw&width=400&height=255&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=1&autoplay=0&react=0&chapters=¬es=” id=”ep1331″ /]
The Always, Then & Now Tour…
Sidebar: I bought my Deluxe Package from Jay Brannan’s store for the tour he’s embarking on now. The cost of the deluxe package is $40 and you get quite a bit for it. There are other packages as well. But that isn’t why I did it. I did it because I truly feel indebted to this man of words and music. I am enriched by his musical musings and experiences. I am emboldened to discover that I am not alone in my dreams and fears. And for that I will always support him and do what I can to spread the word.
The deluxe tour package from Jay Brannan’s merchandise store – get this or many other offerings from his site.
Please check out his site with links for his upcoming shows. I am definitely a late comer to the Brannan bandwagon whenever he pulls through my city. But now that I am going this year, I am making it a goal never to miss when he swings through town. I hope you take advantage of the opportunity as well. Also be sure to check out his web store at the following link.
- Jay’s Website – jaybrannan.com
Under the Covers with Jay…
31 Days of Brannan – Day 7
(A bit later than I wanted – technical issues)
Today’s Playlist – Landslide and Super Bass
[embedplusvideo height=”329″ width=”400″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1qHwzjQ” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/uyTIvNr1Fp0?fs=1″ vars=”ytid=uyTIvNr1Fp0&width=400&height=329&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=0&autoplay=0&react=0&chapters=¬es=” id=”ep9634″ /]
Errata – So I had technical issues of a major sort with my web hosting site. I couldn’t get it to respond or wouldn’t even serve up additional pages or the WP admin site. I was beside myself. Luckily the support team responded rather quickly and acknowledged that the server was having issues. They corrected it but it was well past my bed time to post.
SO, this is the post I was going to put up yesterday. So we’ll get two for today to make up for the technical fubar.
Jay is rather well known by his fans for his careful selection of cover material. All artists do it from time to time – putting their spin on classic tunes we all know and love. When Jay does it they truly do gain a new life of sorts. Not that they take away from the classics, it’s not that at all. Jay’s respectful enough to leave the lingering sentimentality of the song to caress your ear and remind you of times long past. Things that you thought were buried but with his dulcet tones they come swimming back.
Such was the case for me when he covered Landslide. Like many of my generation (I was around when Fleetwood Mac and Stevie Nicks were exploding on the scene back in the 70’s), FM and Nicks were monumental in the soundtrack from my life back then. Nicks in particular reminds me of my friend Crystal. She was into wicca back in the day and hell, that rumor swirled around Nicks like the fringed shawl she would use on stage. She was a very magical act to behold. I listened to all of the classic bands back then – Heart, Queen, Boston, Journey, Styx, The Mac and Stevie. But Stevie was special in my mind. Probably because Crystal’s whole outlook on her music drove that for me.
We were in high school, dealing with all of the social cliques and unwritten but oft remembered laws that govern that microscopic enclave we called academia. For me, being gay and fairly obvious about it in the late seventies and early eighties was no easy thing to burden. Crystal was my get away. I was over her house quite a bit in those days. We did what most teens did… we played songs and we sang our hearts out – probably because we were both in choir (how gay can you get for a high school boy, right?).
Rhiannon, Go Your Own Way, Dreams, they were all on our playlists in our head in those days of vinyl. And kids, let me tell you NO digital file can compare with an analog recording – forget what the marketers and the tech geeks say – vinyl rules.
Anywho, so when Jay released this little cover on his youtube channel, I was over the moon to hear it. His rendering of the song is quite emotive for me – recalling those days so long ago and the naiveté that permeated my teen years. My senior year was another story altogether – but I’ll leave that for another time.
So Jay – yeah, thanks for taking me back, though I am fully cognizant that that wasn’t your goal, it was the unintended effect on my part. I got sentimental for those days. Recalling that boy so long ago and the heady, romantic ideals I had about what being with a boy would be like.
But a lot of your songs do that for me. They take me back. Just as emotive as those sentimental favorites. Probably why Rob Me Blind (along with your entire catalog) is constantly playing in the car. They are my new classics, my new sentimental favorites.
And I sing them with no less sentimentality than Landslide or Dreams. Denmark and Rob Me Blind have just as prominent a place as those songs did from my past. Rob Me is my new soundtrack for this stage of my life. And I couldn’t be happier…
And now for something completely different… SUPER BASS
[embedplusvideo height=”255″ width=”400″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1qHwKvy” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/LlP57oS0UUo?fs=1&vq=hd720″ vars=”ytid=LlP57oS0UUo&width=400&height=255&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=1&autoplay=0&react=0&chapters=¬es=” id=”ep5432″ /]
Just my giggle moment from Jay. I love that he can go there and take us along for the ride.
The Always, Then & Now Tour…
Sidebar: I bought my Deluxe Package from Jay Brannan’s store for the tour he’s embarking on now. The cost of the deluxe package is $40 and you get quite a bit for it. There are other packages as well. But that isn’t why I did it. I did it because I truly feel indebted to this man of words and music. I am enriched by his musical musings and experiences. I am emboldened to discover that I am not alone in my dreams and fears. And for that I will always support him and do what I can to spread the word.
The deluxe tour package from Jay Brannan’s merchandise store – get this or many other offerings from his site.
Please check out his site with links for his upcoming shows. I am definitely a late comer to the Brannan bandwagon whenever he pulls through my city. But now that I am going this year, I am making it a goal never to miss when he swings through town. I hope you take advantage of the opportunity as well. Also be sure to check out his web store at the following link.
- Jay’s Website – jaybrannan.com
Writing that tugs…the GOOD then the BAD
Author’s Note: This is a converted blog post from a previous blog software I was using. It originally was published on 04.16.14 @ 6:36PM Pacific.
Okay, so I can definitely say that there is quite a bit of good writing out there. I mean, I’m easily inspired when I see it. So many artists are great muses as well. Though they often don’t know it. Jay Brannan is one such muse of mine. I happened upon him back when I was relocating from San Diego to the SF Bay Area (for me it was a move back to SF – second time around) as my daughter was going to SFSU and she needed family support for our then five year old granddaughter.
Jay Brannan’s new album – arriving July 2014.
Anyway, I found Jay Brannan’s album/recordings from a site that was promoting up and coming gay artists. I bought the album without hearing a single song. I later found a YouTube channel for him and it was music love at first sight (hearing). Jay’s a master with words – a modern day bard. His first full length album “goddamned” was an impressive collection of words and music that, though it had been many years since I had to wrestle with what he was singing about, it did bring me back to those feelings the moment he began to sing/play. The truth of his words cut though the years behind me like blowing on a dusty photo album and rediscovering old friends, lovers and acquaintances. Brilliant textures and a crystal clear voice that I found haunting as it was lyrical.
[embedplusvideo height=”294″ width=”474″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1ilkTuS” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/EaMixtNVO8M?fs=1&vq=hd720″ vars=”ytid=EaMixtNVO8M&width=474&height=294&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=1&autoplay=0&react=1&chapters=¬es=” id=”ep1159″ /]
So I’ve been listening to him ever since. His latest album, “Rob Me Blind” served as the emotive core for one of the main character’s in the Angel’s of Mercy series. So much so, that I had him be a fan of Jay’s work in the book. Those lyrics were tantamount to why Elliot did and thought the things he did while Marco overwhelmed and consumed every aspect of his little artistic geeky boy life.
The album that inspired me to write Angels of Mercy.
Marco is a god to Elliot. Towering, confident (though never cocky), and most of all – steadfastly devoted to Elliot. Elliot doesn’t understand this. Can’t fathom how the star quarterback of his varsity high school football team would even notice him let alone being totally in love with him. It’s heady stuff for Elliot. And for a while, he keeps waiting for the other shoe to fall. For Marco to wake up and realize what a colossal mistake he’s made in dating Elliot – the out gay geeky nobody at Mercy High.
I worked really hard at Marco’s and Elliot’s backstory before I ever put a single bit or byte to electronic paper. I had to know them so thoroughly that writing them would just flow. And for the most part it does.
Now we come to one of my biggest gripes about dramatic writing – especially on TV or in the movies, is that it’s gotten way to soap opera-y on us all.
Take for example the recently aired episode of Resurrection from ABC. I don’t know if you follow it or not, but there was a moment in last week’s Ep where a busy body old cow (played brilliantly by one of the Cartwright sisters) got up and railed against probably one of the nicest/most balanced characters on that show and said some hurtful things that stretched the truth of the matter in front of his entire congregation (oh yeah, I should mention he’s the town preacher). Evidently Bessie the old cow, wasn’t happy with chewing the cud on her part of the pews and decided to rail against the preacher because of something that happened in his past (that the TV audience was completely aware of how he had been duped by the recently returned (un)dead girlfriend (this is where the title of the show comes in). There was simply no way he could’ve anticipated what came out in the wash (that his girlfriend from 12 years ago had killed herself and was pregnant with his child when she took a long drive off a short pier). But all of that is fine… EXCEPT for what came next: the preacher said none of this in his defense. Leaving everyone in his congregation to assume what Bessie had been mooing over from her part of the pew farm was the absolute truth.
Now… you and I both know that if it’d been us and we were wrongly accused of something we had no knowledge of we’d defend it. Not stand there like some poor brainless schmuck who appeared to have wandered from the Walking Dead onto the wrong show. And don’t give me the whole: but he’s a preacher crap, either. Preacher men are men of words. Not always the right one’s. I’ll grant you, but of words nonetheless. They are ‘paid’ to think on their feet. So if there was ANYone who would’ve said something it woulda been him. But nada, zilch. Just stood there like a government employee (and I was a government employee once so I can say that with some authority – that last, by the way was a nod to the writers of Greater Tuna). That’s not how it happens in real life – I know, I know, it’s a televised drama – keyword: drama.
But there’s a way to make it far more believable, isn’t there? Preacher man – no matter how balanced and good, should be able to handle Bessie the cow and put her back out to pasture to chew the cud with other bovine gossipers of her ilk.
Anywho, I’ll get off my soap opera box now. I’m just getting tired of screenplay writers who take the easy way out to create drama. The whole Duh, dah, dah moments are so 1960. I know Mad Men is still all the rage, but hey, at least they get the heightened drama right.
Am I right?