{"id":1832,"date":"2016-01-12T23:34:28","date_gmt":"2016-01-13T07:34:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sacollins.com\/blog\/?p=1832"},"modified":"2016-01-13T20:51:14","modified_gmt":"2016-01-14T04:51:14","slug":"the-pen-is-mightier","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.sacollins.com\/blog-wp\/?p=1832","title":{"rendered":"The Pen IS Mightier …"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Pen IS<\/em> Mightier …<\/span><\/h1>\n

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\"violetquillmasterSparkle_960x330\"<\/a><\/p>\n

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Truly. Who knew? I always thought that was a clich\u00e9. Guess not. That shit’s for realz, y’all!<\/p>\n

So here’s the dealio … I’ve started this thing over a the Violet Quill Redux<\/a>, another blog site. Yeah, I know, I KNOW. I barely keep up with this one. But ya see, this blog site is very different. It’s my blank canvas for a new work I am starting to form. This one is very close to the bone. So close that it’s about me. My life \u2013 with all it’s beauty, and inherent warts, too.<\/p>\n

Totes Clamath Boy.<\/p>\n

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\"Me<\/a>

Me (left) and my bestie, Bobby. We were inseparable back in the day.<\/p><\/div>\n

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And that’s the scary part \u2013 the whimsy of it all.<\/p>\n

I’m really bearing my soul here. Artistic endeavors aside, this is the real deal, kids: a no-holds-barred, unflinching look at where I’ve been and what I’ve done.<\/p>\n

Make no mistake, this is terrifying. It’s also rather liberating. I find that I am resonating with readers, too. I’ve already had more than one person pull me aside (either through email or private message or what have you) and tell me things about their own lives, how what I wrote pulled memories almost forgotten or set aside from their darkened pasts.<\/p>\n

Truly epic and deeply felt stories have been brought to me. So it seems I’ve struck a nerve.<\/p>\n

But as with all things when it comes to my writings, I think this one will be a slow burn. I think it’ll catch fire though. I’ve led a colorful life. Well, let’s put it this way, there are some thing’s in my past I’ve had to quietly research to see if legal statutes of limitations still apply or not. Yeah, I wasn’t always the good guy I made myself out to be. Love, or rather lust<\/em>, can make you do some very stupid shit. Sex was the greatest form of self-expression in my youth. I suppose for most gayboys that’s a very true statement. Sex is pure pleasure in our worlds.<\/p>\n

But way I figure it, why not<\/em> put it out there? There are Reddit expos\u00e9s being released all the time that catch fire. So why not mine, eh?<\/p>\n

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What good is living all this stuff if you can’t relay it all? <\/em><\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

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I mean, how many of us live, love and die and our histories are lost the moment we take our last breath? Sure some family members or friends might recount some odd exploit of yours, but really, the bulk of your life fades away, doesn’t it? Those smaller details of every damned thing you’ve gone through\u00a0simply slip into the ether. But it doesn’t have to, that’s the thing. You just gotta have the courage of your convictions (as they say) to get it out there.<\/p>\n

I found I can’t have that; the losing myself to the ether after I am gone. I know I am not a celebrity. Yet, I’ve spent a fair amount of time on the stage as a professional actor and classically trained singer, so I’ve had my time in the sun where that’s concerned. But why not a “common man” tale? I think I am worthy of relating to. Might give some insight for those who aren’t queer to see what it’s like from the inside. But I realized that my thoughts, my impressions and perceptions will be lost the moment I let go of this mortal coil, as it were.<\/p>\n

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Who will speak for me then? I will, that’s who.<\/span><\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

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[embedplusvideo height=”255″ width=”400″ editlink=”http:\/\/bit.ly\/1P0mQny” standard=”http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/v\/jpYNwFGaMik?fs=1&vq=hd720″ vars=”ytid=jpYNwFGaMik&width=400&height=255&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=1&autoplay=0&react=1&chapters=&notes=” id=”ep3958″ \/]<\/p>\n

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And\u00a0I’ve had rocky parts to my life, too. It hasn’t all been a bed of roses, ya know. Not by a bloody long shot, actually. Let’s just say that a few times I didn’t know if I’d make it out in one piece. I’ve been quite lucky. Probably why I haven’t won the lottery. I think I used up all my luck on my fool-hearty twenties and have now lived to tell the tale, as it were.<\/p>\n

But that’s part of the challenge, isn’t it? To face what I’ve accomplished, what I’ve failed, where I’ve gone along with, who I’ve done. Make no mistake, and it’s not like you haven’t heard it before, but sex sells.<\/p>\n

I just need to put it all out there \u2013 to write it all down. They’re not chronological in how they’re presented over on VQR. They need to waffle up from the pit of my belly and demand their time in the sun. Hedonistic weekends that I have to not only face, but write about or else none of it is worth putting out there. I can’t hide from it this time. I have to detail it all.<\/p>\n

Why?<\/p>\n

Because I am truly embracing my queerness. I am totally reclaiming what that means for myself. My life is queer. Those jocks who teased me back in high school were 110% correct. I am queer. But what I didn’t get, what I was too naive and green to see, was that I shouldn’t be shamed by it. I needed to embrace it. To take hold and ride that bitch into the night.<\/p>\n

The thing is, it’s going to hit a fair number of people I know. No man is an island, as they say. Truer words and all that rot. I don’t think most of my friends and family\u00a0realize that. I mean, it’s not going to be loaded with salacious tidbits of stuff left and right with them<\/em>. They’re my friends and family. But I led a double-life back then. One way with them, another when I was alone or with my then<\/em> boyfriend. My twenties and early thirties were somewhat of a voracious sexual rompfest. I was careless, I was brash and unthinking. And I was extremely lucky. But\u00a0before anyone goes off the deep end with rantings about “self love” and “self respect”\u00a0 \u2013 fuck off, will ya? This is MY queer life, not<\/em> yours. Yes, to a great degree while I didn’t go running off into the night to mimic Rechy’s characters in The Sexual Outlaw<\/a><\/em>, or Numbers<\/em><\/a>, while I was a teenager, I did my fair share of it in my twenties. Two completely different aspects to myself. One the loyal, front and center kind of friend and family member, the other? Yeah, let’s just say I’m amazed beyond belief I am still standing here. With a negative<\/em>\u00a0HIV status, no less. ‘Cause muthafucking shit got wild. A form of Russian Roulette that I some how came out unscathed on the other side.<\/p>\n

But that’s the thing, I’ve got to put it all down. What was totally euphoric as well as the horrific. I’ve certainly had both. And great heaping spoonfuls of it, too.<\/p>\n

And I’ll tell ya this much: I’ve never felt more alive then when I am writing out my past. It’s like a character in my book, like Elliot Donahey or Marco Sforza in Angels of Mercy<\/em><\/a>, except I know this guy intimately.<\/em> He can’t hide from me, because he is<\/em> me.<\/p>\n

There’s a part of me that is grateful that I severed my ties with my birth name entity across social media. Now only SA Collins exists. I’ve killed the other me. He’s history, well, as much as anyone can be in this day and age. Nothing ever truly disappears when it’s been on the net does it? But in that, he lives on in the posts on Violet Quill Redux<\/a>.<\/p>\n

But that’s cool, too. It’s definitely going to be interesting, that’s for dayum<\/em><\/strong> sure!<\/p>\n

Scared (’cause Mom’s gonna read this shit).<\/p>\n

Totally exposed.<\/p>\n

But feelin’ so fucking alive …<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Until next time – <\/em><\/p>\n

SA C<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Pen IS Mightier …     Truly. Who knew? I always thought that was a clich\u00e9. Guess not. That shit’s for realz, y’all! So here’s the dealio … I’ve started this thing over a the Violet Quill Redux, another blog site. Yeah, I know, I KNOW. I barely keep up with this one. But […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1828,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[377,125,270,48,216,43,5,4,199,198,239,550,169,396,145,18,325],"tags":[68,716,715,67,245,88,66,760,752,755,756,758,85,757,754,163,759,753],"class_list":["post-1832","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-authors-voices","category-epic-failures","category-gay-community","category-giving-back","category-journey","category-life-inserts-itself","category-mm-lovefest","category-homoerotica","category-male-feelings","category-men","category-party-time","category-sex-positive","category-social-issues","category-the-craft","category-words-have-power","category-writing","category-young-adult-realities","tag-angels-of-mercy","tag-autobiography","tag-clamath-boy","tag-elliot-donahey","tag-gay-men","tag-john-rechy","tag-marco-sforza","tag-numbers","tag-pov","tag-queer-lives-matter","tag-queer-men","tag-queer-romance","tag-sex","tag-sexploits","tag-soul-searching","tag-storytelling","tag-the-sexual-outlaw","tag-violet-quill-redux"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sacollins.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/vqr_flavacon_sparkle01.jpg?fit=512%2C512","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p75tPU-ty","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1825,"url":"http:\/\/www.sacollins.com\/blog-wp\/?p=1825","url_meta":{"origin":1832,"position":0},"title":"New Year, New Venture","author":"S A Collins","date":"January 5, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"New Year, New Venture -\u00a0 So, it's been a while. I know, I know. The purpose of a blog is to fucking blog. But I've been busy. I just finished (Angels of Mercy) and released a 740+ page book for fuck sake! And I've got another 600+ page turner right\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Authors Voices"","block_context":{"text":"Authors Voices","link":"http:\/\/www.sacollins.com\/blog-wp\/?cat=377"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sacollins.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/vqr_flavacon_sparkle01.jpg?fit=512%2C512&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1866,"url":"http:\/\/www.sacollins.com\/blog-wp\/?p=1866","url_meta":{"origin":1832,"position":1},"title":"Embracing Equality Means …","author":"S A Collins","date":"February 13, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Embracing Equality Means ... \u00a0 \u00a0 Something has changed. A fundamental shift in what I am doing. You see, I've been writing my own life story as a series over at the Violet Quill Redux and that has made me question how I see my own works. Not just the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Authors Voices"","block_context":{"text":"Authors Voices","link":"http:\/\/www.sacollins.com\/blog-wp\/?cat=377"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sacollins.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/65.jpg?fit=394%2C464&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2265,"url":"http:\/\/www.sacollins.com\/blog-wp\/?p=2265","url_meta":{"origin":1832,"position":2},"title":"Queer Storytelling At Its Finest – Call Me By Your Name and The World of Normal Boys","author":"S A Collins","date":"December 22, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Queer Storytelling At Its Finest - Call Me By Your Name and The World of Normal Boys Two works that tackle the same subject matter - the world of \"normal\" boys finding themselves in queer relationships. \u00a0 I'll discuss both from a literary stance (where they share common ground because\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Authors Voices"","block_context":{"text":"Authors Voices","link":"http:\/\/www.sacollins.com\/blog-wp\/?cat=377"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sacollins.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/The-world-of-normal-boys-book.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2273,"url":"http:\/\/www.sacollins.com\/blog-wp\/?p=2273","url_meta":{"origin":1832,"position":3},"title":"The True Meaning of Queer …","author":"S A Collins","date":"December 24, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"The True Meaning of Queer ... \u00a0 \u00a0 Humans love to classify things. We love order amongst the chaos. It's just how we're wired to short cut how we see the world. It gives us order and cohesion that is comforting to us. It makes the world easier to navigate.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Authors Voices"","block_context":{"text":"Authors Voices","link":"http:\/\/www.sacollins.com\/blog-wp\/?cat=377"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sacollins.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/canstockphoto23187775.jpg?fit=1200%2C797&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sacollins.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/canstockphoto23187775.jpg?fit=1200%2C797&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sacollins.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/canstockphoto23187775.jpg?fit=1200%2C797&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sacollins.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/canstockphoto23187775.jpg?fit=1200%2C797&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sacollins.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/canstockphoto23187775.jpg?fit=1200%2C797&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2039,"url":"http:\/\/www.sacollins.com\/blog-wp\/?p=2039","url_meta":{"origin":1832,"position":4},"title":"Wonder Woman, The JLA and Why Comics Matter To Queers","author":"S A Collins","date":"July 24, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Wonder Woman, The JLA and Why Comics Matter To Queers \u00a0 San Diego Comic Con JUSTICE LEAGUE Trailer Release [embedplusvideo height=\"367\" width=\"600\" editlink=\"http:\/\/bit.ly\/29Y5ZQ4\" standard=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/v\/gglkYMGRYlE?fs=1&vq=hd720\" vars=\"ytid=gglkYMGRYlE&width=600&height=367&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=1&autoplay=0&react=1&chapters=¬es=\" id=\"ep7655\" \/] \u00a0 So this is an impromptu entry. Just something I felt\u00a0 I had to write about with Comic Con coming to a close\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Characters Reimagined"","block_context":{"text":"Characters Reimagined","link":"http:\/\/www.sacollins.com\/blog-wp\/?cat=94"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sacollins.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/wonderwoman-firstposter.jpg?fit=810%2C1200&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sacollins.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/wonderwoman-firstposter.jpg?fit=810%2C1200&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sacollins.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/wonderwoman-firstposter.jpg?fit=810%2C1200&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.sacollins.com\/wp\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/wonderwoman-firstposter.jpg?fit=810%2C1200&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2087,"url":"http:\/\/www.sacollins.com\/blog-wp\/?p=2087","url_meta":{"origin":1832,"position":5},"title":"Social Media in a Trump-enabled Age","author":"S A Collins","date":"January 3, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Social Media in a Trump-enabled Age \u00a0 New Year's didn't go so well for me. 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