A gift that keeps on giving… thoughts on writing
31 Days of Brannan – Day 17
[embedplusvideo height=”329″ width=”400″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1mZRPjd” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/VrTWJtibG9s?fs=1&vq=hd720″ vars=”ytid=VrTWJtibG9s&width=400&height=329&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=1&autoplay=0&react=0&chapters=¬es=” id=”ep4081″ /]
Today’s Playlist – Desert Rose (work in progress)
I think I am fond of this entry for two reasons.
1) It’s a work in progress – writing my own series of novels I get this. I get the desire to put it out there. You want some sort of acknowledgment for your efforts. It’s the battle between creation and acceptance.
2) It’s creation – nothing is more stirring to me than an artist creating.
So I am half-way through my oeuvre, my collective thoughts and gratitude for Brannan’s work as a muse through my own writing experience. His work has fed my own. He never knew it, was never his intention. I don’t think it would be even if he knew he had inspired someone else. He’s simply too busy creating his own worlds, his own emotive and captivating spells with which to cast upon we poor hungry souls. Okay, maybe I am taking it a bit over the top.
Maybe…
But part of me doesn’t think so. Here’s the skinny on why that is.
Art is meant to inspire. Art, when done right, should evoke a response. Jay’s work has done that for me.
Angels of Mercy is a series that I am deeply engrossed in. I am “all in” with my own creative process but I would be remiss if I didn’t say thank you to Jay for giving me a well to pull from. Sure, my characters don’t have anything directly related to his work (other than my protagonist happens to be a fan of his work). But that part I did intentionally – it was my nod to say thank you to Jay for giving me something to work from. His art inspired my own. I feel a kindred spirit in that he does everything on his own. No big record company, no big shot promoter, no real corporate support of any kind. Just an out gay artist hitting the pavement, the airwaves and the net in any way he can to get his stuff out there. I am deeply inspired by that journey of his.
That’s why I am doing this.
That’s why I feel a deep sense of gratitude to him. An indebtedness that I will never be able to repay. His work gave me the momentum to reach for my own. For Angels, he is my muse. He never asked for it, isn’t a part of it directly in any way. But that’s okay. I’m good with that. He’s a busy guy. He’s got a life to lead. I’ll continue to admire from afar and be further inspired by his crafty and brilliant prose. One writer breathing life into another’s work. What greater compliment can one give to another?
I see your work. It gives me the desire to seek my own. It’s truly as simple as that.
So thank you, Jay. It’s a bright and brilliant thing you’ve got going on there. I am bang over the moon that my 50th will be celebrated with close friends and family that night at Bottom of the Hill here in San Francisco. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to do that. My writing muse – simply doing what he does best: spin tales, craft worlds, elicit emotive provocation from those of us who are fortunate to be there – sharing in your journey in a small but vital way to keep you going as you strive for being the best at what you do.
I thank you.
My characters, imaginary though they may be, thank you.
My creative process as I work through Angels of Mercy thanks you. Rob Me Blind is being played to death in iTunes (along with your other work) when I wrote volume one of the work. I don’t mind. That album is the inner emotive core of Elliot Donahey, my out shy gay boy in a semi-hostile environment who suddenly finds himself dating the highest profile jock on campus. A mouse thrust into a very bright light in a room full of cats. It’s a dark work, an edgy work, it’s brooding (as only gay boys can be when danger lurks around every corner). I don’t pull any punches in their relationship. It’s all out there for everyone to see. It’s unapologetic, it’s in your face. But that’s just how these boys are. This is how they spoke to me (and I get how cray-cray that may sound). But as an author writing gay lit fic, your characters are all you have to work with. If they aren’t speaking to you, then you aren’t in the right frame of mind to create.
So thanks, Jay. A deeply profound thanks. This is why I am spending this month leading up to your concert in SF on your work. Because it gave me my own.
The Always, Then & Now Tour…
Please check out his site with links for his upcoming shows. I am definitely a late comer to the Brannan bandwagon whenever he pulls through my city. But now that I am going this year, I am making it a goal never to miss when he swings through town. I hope you take advantage of the opportunity as well. Also be sure to check out his web store at the following link.
- Jay’s Website – jaybrannan.com
Leaving on a jet plane…
31 Days of Brannan – Day 16
[embedplusvideo height=”255″ width=”400″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/UdocAe” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/6jjfG2ROjzU?fs=1&vq=hd720″ vars=”ytid=6jjfG2ROjzU&width=400&height=255&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=1&autoplay=0&react=0&chapters=¬es=” id=”ep4437″ /]
Today’s Playlist – Leaving On A Jet Plane
As Jay embarks on his tour this week… I was drawn to this one more than any other from his youtube channel.
I never heard the version that Jay is riffing off of. Not to say that whatever version that Jay is using to put his own spin on it isn’t good. I like this rendition of this classic song – this evocative moment he calls upon. But my memory of this song is long reaching. As I approach the half-centennial mark in my life (yeah, you NEVER think you’ll write those words about yourself – EVER…), I have so many renditions of this song that play right along with Jay’s plaintive and emotive posting on his youtube channel.
Good songwriting never grows old or wears out it’s welcome. This song is definitely in that pantheon of classic tunes. Instantly memorable, even if you’ve never had the benefit of hearing it before.
I could expound upon the memories this song evokes for me, from the time I was a child and watched it being performed my Peter, Paul and Mary (though penned by John Denver back in ’66) on some TV variety show later on in that decade. I could talk about that. I could also remember how this song was one of my family’s traveling songs. Songs we played on an 8-track (yes, you read that right) tape player. Along with a classic Dionne Warwick tape of Valley of the Dolls (still one of my all time classic LPs of the era), Sergio Mendes and Brasil ’66, and the Fifth Dimension. This was a very classic era of pop song writing.
I know I could wax poetically about that era of writing. How very little writing of this era even remotely matches the hooks, the arrangements or the prose of that emotionally charged part of our past.
I could write about all of that…and quite a bit more.
But I won’t.
Why?
Simple: Jay does it all so beautifully in this posting. It’s plaintive, it’s emotive, it carries all the history and sentimentality for older guys like me. It’s the simplicity of it that grips the heart and dares you to let go.
So, I’ll just leave it at this. Do what you do so well, Mr. Brannan.
…and I’ll keep on remembering my days long past. Thank you for bringing them back, like faded photos in an album I keep in my head – that can only be opened with my heart.
Brilliant.
The Always, Then & Now Tour…
Please check out his site with links for his upcoming shows. I am definitely a late comer to the Brannan bandwagon whenever he pulls through my city. But now that I am going this year, I am making it a goal never to miss when he swings through town. I hope you take advantage of the opportunity as well. Also be sure to check out his web store at the following link.
- Jay’s Website – jaybrannan.com
For me, it’s all about Denmark…
31 Days of Brannan – Day 11
[embedplusvideo height=”329″ width=”400″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1oSJLRt” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/bIpR5axeXOg?fs=1&vq=hd720″ vars=”ytid=bIpR5axeXOg&width=400&height=329&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=1&autoplay=0&react=0&chapters=¬es=” id=”ep4063″ /]
Today’s Playlist – Denmark
So I am finally getting around to my absolute favorite Brannan piece. More than any other this one speaks to me. First off, because of the title. Having been to Denmark and falling madly in love with that country, I was over the moon to find a song on Rob Me Blind when it was released that bore it as a title. I’ve got a thing for all things Scandinavian. Even married myself a man of real Viking descent – seriously – straight down the line from Blue Tooth himself (yes, he really existed, folks – he’s not just a piece of technology that we all swear by).
So yeah, when I watch Vikings on History Channel – it’s sort of a religion for me. My entire Fae Wars series stems from the Norse origins of the Fae. So yeah – Denmark. It was the first damned song I played when I bought the album on iTunes.
The romantic leanings in the opening verse grabbed me hard and refused to let go. The imagery was tight and emotive – deftly measured and realized.
Hey there, baby, have you got a light?
I’m not smoking, but I’m afraid I might
Have fallen down a dark carpal tunnel and landed in your kiss
And in the water from your big, brown eyes, I swam away from a quarter life crisis
I was listening to this song when the idea of Angels of Mercy really began to take form. Where Rob Me Blind was where Elliot was firmly rooted – having something that you aren’t sure will remain yours, Denmark was where I realized I could root Marco, my stalwart and true to his word jock boyfriend.
It was important for me to write this series with the premise in mind. I wanted to pose the question –
What if the geeky out gay kid got the number one jock on campus –
what then?
And it was important that Marco’s character was the strong one. The one who never wavers. He is the rock that Elliot will come to realize he must cling to if he wants to keep what Marco has become to him. But being the gay kid on campus who keeps to the shadows isn’t an easy thing to deal with when you’re dating the most prominent guy on campus. True enough, Brannan uses brown eyes in the verse and neither of my boys are but, I attributed it to literary license when it came to my story. The sentiment still rang true.
In fact, I buried elements from Denmark into the prose of my book whenever Marco was near Elliot. My way of keeping him rooted to the song.
You told me horror stories in room 426
Of wooden boys falling for girls made out of matchsticks
I shoulda strapped you to me with padlocks and glue
So I could spend the rest of my life wearing nothing but socks… and you
My boys are very sexual (as all teens are when left to themselves). I know I was all over the fucking map (literally) when I left my virginal days behind me. I was fairly insatiable about it. We were boys – we didn’t have to worry, like our straight counterparts, about pregnancies and the like – so we just had at it whenever the moment came up, so to speak. Marco and Elliot spend a fair amount of time having sex in the book. But I was careful to use it when it propelled the story forward, taking the boys deeper into the revelations of what being gay and pleasing another man meant for each other.
But it is in the chorus where Marco’s character truly comes to the fore. This is where my guy grounds himself. He even paraphrases Brannan’s line back to Elliot (even if he has no idea that Elliot is a fan of Brannan’s work – it just seemed the right thing to do. If I were a gay teen, I probably would be celeb crushing hard on Brannan myself. Hell, the hubby thinks I do now – well, not really but he teases me about it from time to time).
We got a lot of maybes to muddle through
But my emotional rabies are fixed on crashing through to you
Though governments and distance stand between us, well be fine
Cuz I’m gonna tear this world apart, baby, until you’re mine
This song is deeply moving, not only rhythmically – which Brannan expands his musicality greatly in this (and the other pieces on Rob Me Blind) piece. It has a drive that serves as the emotive undercurrent. The rhythm of the piece is what really helps sell the song (here we get Brannan’s acoustic version – which is deeply emotive and alluring all in it’s own right). I really fucking LOVE the shit out of this song.
And here we come to the next verse which, for me, is how Marco sees Elliot. Elliot is the magic of life to him. The boy moves about in his world and Marco can’t help but be spellbound. It happens from the first moment he spies him on campus – but all doesn’t prove to be an easy road to the love of his life. Elliot, being the out gay kid, has been taunted, teased and abused by jocks on campus. It’s just the way things work. Just when Marco thinks he can come to Elliot and profess his love he overhears what Elliot thinks of jocks in general. And more to the point, how Marco himself has become the poster child for everything bad about the jocks who have hurt him in the past – even if Marco has never said or done one malicious thing to him in the past. How could he? He’s been secretly in love with him the whole time.
You’ll be an artist, I’ll be your hands
Well go the farthest from our lives we can
I’ll swim the ocean, whisk you away
Til were in Denmark, you’ll hear me say
Love the last verse of this song. It holds every element that I imbued in my boys. Elliot is the artist, Marco is the hand who guides him. Marco keeps telling Elliot that once they’re free of their high school days, he’s gonna whisk Elliot far away from their small town life.
They just gotta get there first.
So yeah, Denmark. For me, my first novel, and the boys who inhabit it, we are all deeply rooted and grow from the lines of this song. Jay couldn’t have given me a greater gift than that – and it isn’t lost on me that it never was the point for him. He has his own story about the song – and now, I have mine.
Denmark – I fucking love the country, and now I’ve got an anthem – a theme song for the series. Thanks Mr. Brannan, I’ll always be in your debt.
The Always, Then & Now Tour…
Please check out his site with links for his upcoming shows. I am definitely a late comer to the Brannan bandwagon whenever he pulls through my city. But now that I am going this year, I am making it a goal never to miss when he swings through town. I hope you take advantage of the opportunity as well. Also be sure to check out his web store at the following link.
- Jay’s Website – jaybrannan.com
Saying It’s Possible
31 Days of Brannan – Day 10
[embedplusvideo height=”329″ width=”400″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1oNDftK” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/H95hu4vGGog?fs=1&vq=hd720″ vars=”ytid=H95hu4vGGog&width=400&height=329&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=1&autoplay=0&react=0&chapters=¬es=” id=”ep8368″ /]
Today’s Playlist – Say It’s Possible (Terra Naomi Cover)
So here’s a cover from one of the artists who will be accompanying Jay when he pushes through San Francisco (my home base). I love this song and knew it was a cover so I thought I’d highlight some of Terra’s work here as well (her version of the piece will be at the end of this blog entry). Am looking forward to hearing more from her as an opening act. As a sidebar, I am bringing my granddaughter to the concert (she’s a big Jay-B fan too) and I am really looking forward to Keely hear a strong woman’s voice and perspective in music. So I think this little night out for the both of us will be hella good for the whole celebratory gang I am bringing along (we’re celebrating my b-day that night).
This song is quite an amazing tune – it’s definitely got a hook that grabs and won’t let go. A roller-coaster ride of a song, if you will. Melodically it is hypnotic and has a allure from just a musicality standpoint. Naomi’s edgier touch to the song (see below for comparison) when juxtaposed with Brannan’s more lyrical touch highlight the rainbow of colors that bring out subtleties in the piece. Like a nicely orchestrated symphony, the song has worded nuances that each singer that approaches it can put their emotive spin on it. Perhaps this is the song’s greatest quality. Like a siren song, it’s inviting to sing along, to wallow in the melodic turns of it, to swim in it’s lyrical waters, so to speak.
It’s truly an emotive and lovely piece, rich with pathos and contradictions that we all have to face in life. It’s the push/pull of all those voices (whether live or digitally expressed) that try to tell us what is best for us. When the harshest critic of all is often times ourselves.
This is Naomi’s masterful touch in the piece. The simple and evocative statements pushing us along –
Don’t wait, act now
This amazing offer won’t last long
It’s only a chance to pave the path we’re on
I know there are more exciting things to talk about
And in time we’ll sort it out
And in time we’ll sort it out
It’s the TV commercial pitch to soothe what ails you. Someone else always has the answer, right? Yeah, often, not so much. There’s always layers of moments in our lives that no one often knows anything about – but no matter, their opinion reigns supreme and if you just follow it NOW, don’t wait, time is of the essence, yada, yada, yada.
I love the push back the song brings – using the cyclic melody to rebel against the tide that says it knows what’s best. A masterful stroke of tune-smithing.
Probably my favorite passage is where the singer reveals that even as the voices who know best press in upon them, they have a card to play that no one realizes trumps everything (in bold below):
And the truth is such a funny thing
With all these people
Keep on telling me
They know what’s best
And what to be frightened of
And all the rest are wrong
They know nothing about us
They know nothing about us
Yet the plea for that special someone who grounds you, who holds steadfast while you spin out on your own shit is what you’ve come to count on and how you pray that they won’t fail you when you’re at your most vulnerable. Brilliant, brilliant and emotive stuff.
And though they say it’s possible
To me, I don’t see how it’s probable
I see the course we’re on spinning farther from what I know
I’ll hold on
Tell me that you won’t let go
Tell me that you won’t let go
And yet, the vulnerability lingers – intoning in the background, acknowledging that the self-doubt, the worry, the realization that you actually care about the outcome – cyclically resonating inside each of us – no matter how strong a face we put out to the world. Some small part of us knows how much this world has damaged us – with three little, but definitive words:
I’m not alright
I’m not alright
I’m not alright
Culminating in a defiant moment of resolve and lastly, at least to my way of thinking, hope.
This could be something beautiful
Combine our love into something wonderful
But times are tough I know
And the pull of what we can’t give up takes hold
I can’t wait to see these two performers on July 31st here in San Francisco. Everything points to one beautiful way to ring in a new year for me. Can’t wait.
[embedplusvideo height=”329″ width=”400″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1oNHbKT” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/ARHyRI9_NB4?fs=1&vq=hd720″ vars=”ytid=ARHyRI9_NB4&width=400&height=329&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=1&autoplay=0&react=0&chapters=¬es=” id=”ep4955″ /]
The Always, Then & Now Tour…
Please check out his site with links for his upcoming shows. I am definitely a late comer to the Brannan bandwagon whenever he pulls through my city. But now that I am going this year, I am making it a goal never to miss when he swings through town. I hope you take advantage of the opportunity as well. Also be sure to check out his web store at the following link.
- Jay’s Website – jaybrannan.com
Why can’t we have it all?
31 Days of Brannan – Day 9
[embedplusvideo height=”329″ width=”400″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1mIavny” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/qPiIThPmYkc?fs=1&vq=hd720″ vars=”ytid=qPiIThPmYkc&width=400&height=329&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=1&autoplay=0&react=0&chapters=¬es=” id=”ep7716″ /]
Today’s Playlist: Can’t Have It All
Author’s Note: Okay, so I wrote this one yesterday but like the dork I can be – I thought I pressed PUBLISH but instead only saved it as a draft. So here it is, a day late but as they say…
I’ve been contemplating the words to this song for some time now. It’s a concept that is not foreign to any of us – gay, straight, whatever race, creed or color. We want the best in life that it has to offer. Jay’s words in this song are universal in their reach and appeal. We’ve all been there at one time or another –
applying moisturizer in the microwave window
for the tenth time, he should have call me an hour ago
would he be here with flowers if i loved in Arizona?
they say there’s no love left in the big cities, it’s kinda true
i guess you’ll find me coming soon to the small town near you
i’ll sell my guitar so i can buy myself a tractor
fuck this, this can’t be my life
i moisturized ten times tonight
why can’t i sit down and write,
bring this question to light?Chorus:
do you want a lover, or do you want a life?
one hand or the other, the butter or the bread knife?
do you choose winter, spring, summer, or fall?
it’s driving me crazy that i can’t have it all
The pondering of what if’s. Nothing could be more hellish or cyclic and demoralizing than pondering those romantically laden ‘what-if’s’ – am I right?
Yet, because we strive for that moment of recognition, the ‘I see you…’ from some we find attractive or desirable, if only to validate that we matter somehow in this crazy fucked up world. The constant swimming upstream when everyone else, who already have that special someone get to coast along with the flow of life headed in the opposite direction. If anything so we can put down the struggle to connect with another human being in a meaningful and fulfilling way.
I particularly like Jay’s turnabout moment in the ‘fuck this, this can’t be my life, I moisturized ten times tonight…’ – humorous and yet so revealing in how we all feel at that poignant moment when we feel we just can’t bear it any more. Then that specter called defeat looms over our shoulder and whispers how much simpler it’d be if we just gave up the struggle. If we just pursued some life endeavor that would cloud the loss in us. That would sweep it under the rug of being aggressive in some other fulfilling part of our psyche. Overwhelm the hole in our heart with other pursuits.
Then Jay poses the questions that hang in the balance – ‘Do you want a lover, or do you want a life?’ A simple, if complicated, question to ponder. Ultimately he is pressing the whole concept of why do we have to ponder one over the other at all. But he presses on with the inner debate –
if these walls could talk, they’d probably cry out for mercy
’till i’m outlined in chalk, i’ll be romantically thirsty
so i drink and i drink from the proverbial time sink
fuck this, this can’t be my life
tears flowing in full force tonight
why can’t i sit down and write,
bring this question to light?Chorus:
do you want a lover, or do you want a life?
one hand or the other, the butter or the bread knife?
do you choose winter, spring, summer, or fall?
it’s driving me crazy that i can’t have it all
So now we’re at the emotive moment where we’re ready to throw in the towel. We’re over it – though our hearts scream and plead with us to keep up the search, to know that he’s out there, probably just as lost and lonely and we just haven’t turned the right corner, or bumped into them accidentally at the grocery store. You know, one of those movie land moments you see in all the rom-coms? But it is in the bridge that Brannan’s distinctive brand of pathos cuts and reveals the question we all have in ourselves. No matter how confident we may be in our lives, what we feel we’re worth, there is inherently some part of us deep within that constantly ponders – will someone find me special, find me worthy of their love and devotion?
Bridge:
do we hold the future, or does it come in peace?
and if it’s in my hands, are you sure it should be in brittle hands like these?
life, love, and the pursuit of, all the things they promised me
can i have all of the above? are the best things in life truly free?
These are heady moments when contemplating the value the love of another can bring to our lives. I’m lucky. I’ve got the man in my life that has blessed me with 20 years of his life by my side. Solid, unwavering and resolute that we’ll face everything together – up unto our last breaths. And if there’s a beyond… well, I’m sure we’d find each other then. Somehow.
Which brings us to the same round of questioning as before but with a defiant turn with the last line –
do you want a lover, or do you want a life?
one hand or the other, the butter or the bread knife?
do you choose winter, spring, summer, or fall?
it’s driving me crazy that i can’t have it all
And therein lies the rub: we should be able to have it all.
The Always, Then & Now Tour…
Please check out his site with links for his upcoming shows. I am definitely a late comer to the Brannan bandwagon whenever he pulls through my city. But now that I am going this year, I am making it a goal never to miss when he swings through town. I hope you take advantage of the opportunity as well. Also be sure to check out his web store at the following link.
- Jay’s Website – jaybrannan.com