31 Days of Brannan – Day 26

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Today’s Playlist – Twee Vaders  –  in Dutch, no less…

I like that Jay takes the time to find a way to connect with his international audiences. He may flub things up a little but they are so much more appreciative when he makes these efforts. This is a true artist that will work on his craft to engage his audience. Having sung in many languages myself I am really impressed with how fearless he treads these linguistic waters. Part of his brilliance as a self-promoter and marketer, I suppose. Give them what they want, and a little of something they didn’t see coming.

Lovely stuff there Mr. B.

Enjoy this one. It made me smile – and that’s saying something considering I was doing battle with the cable company this morning so I could get my internet back! Thanks for restoring my smile Jay!

The Always, Then & Now Tour…

Please check out his site with links for his upcoming shows. I am definitely a late comer to the Brannan bandwagon whenever he pulls through my city. But now that I am going this year, I am making it a goal never to miss when he swings through town. I hope you take advantage of the opportunity as well. Also be sure to check out his web store at the following link.

Jay’s Website – jaybrannan.com

Tags: Art of Language | Artist as Muse | Brannan as Bard | Brannan on Tour | International Appeal | Jay Brannan | Words Have Meaning | Words Have Power

31 Days of Brannan – Day 24

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Today’s Playlist –  Relax your neck (and breathe through your nose)

I’ve always wanted to play this video. I am a big Margaret Cho fan. So the idea of Brannan and Cho whooping it up together – no matter what they did, I just knew I’d be entertained, was beyond anything I could’ve hoped for.

Seriously, it’d be the same thing if it was him and Sandra Bernhard – Now there’s a conversation I’d like to be a fly on the wall for…

Anywho… so Cho and Brannan. Or how about Cho and Jay? Yeah, they could be Jay-Cho (sorta riffing on J-Lo) – no? Just me? Okay.

But doesn’t that just sound like the ultimate gay chat show moniker?

Groan every early morning with Jay-Cho!

But just think of the solid life advice that would just pour forth from these two? It’d be a cult I’d be happy to join, I can tell you what.

Anyway – some sound solid cock sucking advice here and who doesn’t need that in life? I mean, we’ve all done it…

This is advice you can actually do something with. Nothing like those vapid infomercials on TV. This shit would actually help a brother get ahead in life. Oh, brother, do I need to stop here.

N-Joy!

The Always, Then & Now Tour…

Please check out his site with links for his upcoming shows. I am definitely a late comer to the Brannan bandwagon whenever he pulls through my city. But now that I am going this year, I am making it a goal never to miss when he swings through town. I hope you take advantage of the opportunity as well. Also be sure to check out his web store at the following link.

Jay’s Website – jaybrannan.com

Tags: Artist as Muse | Brannan as Bard | cocks | Cynacism at its best | deepthroating | Jay Brannan | Margaret Cho | Music that Inspires | sex like a pornstar | sucking | writing

31 Days of Brannan –  Day 22

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Today’s Entry (not playlist) – postcard for my friend sasha from the golden gate bridge

So for today’s entry I wanted something different. We’re just a little over a week away from Jay’s concert in San Francisco. I wanted something personal from him. It’s not meant for us. It’s a love letter to a lost friend. But I get it. Living here you always have that feeling of how much loss there is in this beloved city of mine. San Francisco is an amazing place to live. It’s also a difficult place to live in. It straddles the line between euphoric and complete indifference – between decadence and oblivion.

She’s been called the Paris of the Pacific. I’ve never really thought of her as having a french appeal. She always felt distinctly English to me. Perhaps it’s the cold that whips through the city – reminding me of London in winter. Although you can get that blast of bone chilling cold – you can’t help but feel the indifference. But then, on a fog laden night, the way the city looks – haunting, as if all points in time collide into one moment. It’s truly magical. It’s those moments that I live for in this place I call home.

So back to Jay. To say his work carries a degree of genius is probably one of the greatest understatements I can ever put to digital paper. But that genius, that savoir-fare in his prose, the brilliance of his ability to connect to the root of our collective experiences and give the horrors, the loneliness, the despair but most of all the small seed of hope, it has to spring from somewhere.

I have always appreciated Jay’s brutal honesty. I aspire to that level of honesty – if only with myself. I am not there yet. But I keep trying. Jay’s music reminds me of where I am with myself.

It’s also why my first novel is deeply rooted and inspired by him. My boys go through some major pain. It was important for me to get the ‘will they get together’ question out of the way from the very first chapter. Putting your love interests together has always been the end goal of any tale. It’s the usual formula. Especially with the M/M romance genre. But my story was taking a different tract. My boys are together from the very first chapter – but that is where their adventure begins. Coming together is the least of their concerns. With what they go through in the telling of their tale, staying together is the hard part for them. Not because they aren’t devoted to each other. They are. Completely. Utterly. Profoundly.

But will it be enough? That is where the drama is rooted.

Jay poses the question in Rob Me Blind (which is about a boy who wants the boy of his dreams but ultimately doesn’t think his love is worth offering to the man he is attracted to) – in the song he even says that he expects when compared to anyone else he thinks the man of his dreams would chose another.

So I come back to Jay’s entry today that I am highlighting. It is the last few moments – the pain that is so evident in his eyes. Experiences that are solely his own – though they may be shared with his missing friend Sasha and through YouTube with all of us, but that pain is his. So here is my takeaway: Thank you Sasha. Jay says that you were instrumental in saving him from what appears to be a very dark place in his past. So, from all of us, thank you. We never met. We never had the pleasure, I am sure, to experience your light in this world. But through Jay’s heartfelt postcard to you, I can’t help but feel my own sense of gratitude for your existence – however brief and pained though it may have been. I am only too sorry we couldn’t all be there for you. Or like Jay, that we couldn’t say thank you for helping him when he needed it.

We don’t know the depth of what Jay was feeling – he only hints at it – but I do know he’s also commented about anxiety attacks he suffers from time to time. I’ve seen the tweets. It’s clear he feels things deeply. Painfully so  – which he layers in his compositions. Writing is cathartic – whether it is in standard prose or via a musical composition. It’s the same thing. It allows a release of emotions you carry with you. For me it’s the voices of the boys that inhabit my world. They are born of my own experiences, of my hopes and fears.

There’s a lot of me in them. As I am sure there is a lot of Jay’s experiences in what he gifts us with in each of his creations/compositions. But even with all of that, this creative outlet, the pain is still there.

Is it enough? You hope that it is. You hope that there are others in your life that will be there for you when you need it most. Sasha was there for Jay. And in a very pivotal way, was there for all of us. Can you imagine all of these treasures that Jay has penned that would have never been if he wallowed in his dark place? As the artist in me, I shutter to think about that.

So, though we’ve never met, though I’ve never had the pleasure, thank you Sasha. For helping my favorite artist take another step when he possibly didn’t think he could.

So I too will add my thanks to Jay’s. Though I can’t claim any personal knowledge of what transpired, believe me it is no less heartfelt in that whatever gesture of support you made in his past. You helped him not feel like ‘such a freak’ when he needed to hear it most.

So thank you, in as heartfelt a way a stranger can express and mean it.

And just so you know… no matter what it is Jay, you’re not a freak cause I got news for you – we all are. I’ve been around the block in so many ways (had a very colorful life to draw upon) and I know from freaks. And we all are freaks. Anyone tells you they aren’t – yeah, well, that’s a BIG ol’ sign that they’re MORE of a freak than you’ll ever be.

Hell, normalcy – whatever the fuck that is – is freakish in its own right. The human condition is a collection of freakish moments that we all try to make sense of, try to bring order to the chaos. When it works for us, that’s great. We’re happy. When it doesn’t – some form of damage ensues and we try to cope. Some do better than others. But that doesn’t mean that you’re not worth the love and admiration of others. I don’t claim to know what you’re all about. We only have your postings on YouTube, your website and thankfully, your music. But what I have witnessed, what I have heard, what I’ve been grateful for seeing, is that you are a very complex and deeply feeling man. A creative and emotive individual. Worthy of every thing people say about you (even if all we really know is your public persona).

So thank you for hanging in there. For working through things with your music. It’s clear that your voice is needed in this world or your voice wouldn’t have carried as far as it has. And aside from all of that, I wouldn’t have my boys if it weren’t for you. My craft is blossoming because of Rob Me Blind. The album that meant so much to you when you released it – inspired me and my own journey. That was an unintended gift from you, I know that. I am not delusional enough to think that it was anything but fortuitous that I discovered you back in 2008. I know that. And I am grateful for that discovery of mine.

One that without Sasha I might not have ever had. I wouldn’t have had my boys. My wonderfully sexually emotive and deeply flawed boys of Mercy. My Angels of Mercy. And I just can’t imagine my world without them. The little world of Mercy, California that I invented – that only exists in my head and on the pages of my forthcoming series.

So thank you Sasha – you’ve touched lives you never knew were out there. But I am indebted to you just the same.

The Always, Then & Now Tour…

Please check out his site with links for his upcoming shows. I am definitely a late comer to the Brannan bandwagon whenever he pulls through my city. But now that I am going this year, I am making it a goal never to miss when he swings through town. I hope you take advantage of the opportunity as well. Also be sure to check out his web store at the following link.

Jay’s Website – jaybrannan.com

Tags: Angels of Mercy | Brannan as Bard | Catharsis in Art | Jay Brannan | Postcard from the Soul | Storytelling | writing

31 Days of Brannan – Day 19

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Today’s Playlist – Dear Santa (The Reindeer Jaymes Live Version)

Author’s Note: Lest you think that I am off my rocker for posting a Christmas song, here’s this gentle reminder – Christmas is literally just a little over 5 months away – YIKES!

Okay, so here’s the whole reason Jay’s a family thing at my house. And I mean that sincerely – from the hubby through our daughter and down to our granddaughter (yeah, I have one of those). In fact, depending on the day, it’s a battle to sort out who is the biggest Jay fan in the house – Keely (the granddaughter) or me. We vie for the title all the time. It’s sort of a thing we do.

The hubby got me the Deluxe Package from Jay’s site for my b-day. Keely was a little jelly over it so guess what, I’m getting her a T-Shirt and probably some other Jay items just so she doesn’t feel left out. This is sort of a big thing (not just because we’re sort of celebrating my B-day) but because it is officially Keely’s first real concert. She’s over the moon on it. We both are, really (see what I mean about the going back and forth on who is the bigger fan?).

So, Dear Santa, yeah, that was what sealed it for Keely. She’s sort of a darkly imbued soul – very Tim Burtonesque if you know what I mean. When she was little her imaginary friends were Dean the Monster and Ben the Werewolf. No typical child, she.

We once watched Frank Langella’s Dracula on AppleTV and she sat through the whole thing – she was four – and at the end there wasn’t any freak out over the horror elements in the story. No, she just thought it a very sad story. In her words, “He (Drac) just wanted someone to love him and they would let that lady do it.”

Yeah, that was her takeaway from Gothic Horror – it’s a sad romance thing.  So, Keely and Jay’s work – match made in the darkest parts of heaven. As a pre-teen (or tween) she is already cultivating that whole teen angst thing about no one understanding her (though she thinks I do). She already has it on her list that she MUST find a gay boy on campus when she gets to high school because her high school experience won’t be complete unless she has a GBFF. I’m good with that. She knows very well that gay boys have to be good at staying alive in a hostile world. She intends to garner some of that gaydar for herself. Way she figures it, if I made it through my high school with jocks and cheerbitches and the like, then this whole gay boy warning radar system might just work for her too. Besides, she can chat about boys with him and go out shopping. What more could a girl ask for?

But yeah, as with most tweens/teens, Keely is already going through that separation phase in her life. She’s keen to keep grandpa close though. Probably because I have accurately informed her and prophetically predicted events in her life before they happened. It wasn’t too hard. Her problems just aren’t that complex at this stage in life. When boys officially enter the picture, well, that will definitely up the ante a bit. I have an eye out for that point in time.

So, Dear Santa – Keely loves this song. It is number two on her fave Jay songs – nothing has usurped the number one spot (Death Waltz) though. That is the ultimate song on her playlist. The first one she memorized of Jay’s songs. Followed by Dear Santa. Whenever we’re in the car driving around, and Jay’s invariably on the stereo, I get Rob Me Blind and Denmark and she immediately hits up Death Waltz and Dear Santa – those are always the first four songs on the stereo whenever she and I hit the road. Sometimes her selections are first, sometimes mine. La La La is usually the follow-up just because we both love the change up in the musical interpretations in that song. When we can’t decide who gets to play their fave Jay songs first – then La La La wins by default.

I’m good with that – it’s a thing we do.

Here is yet another reason why I am indebted to Jay and his work. It’s helped keep me rooted to my granddaughter as she starts to enter her formative years. Years that I know won’t be easy. I’ve already been having the ‘talks’ about boys and what we go through in those wildly hormonally charged days. She already knows boys are nuts. I’ve convinced her of that. She can’t take them at their word when all their thinking about is sex. She isn’t ready to have that ‘talk’ yet. But she knows that boys go there. She gets that part of it. Way I figure it, between me and said GBFF in her not too distant future, I think we’ll get her through to the other side and her adulthood just fine.

So my Dear Santa wish list? I just want her on the other side of her tumultuous teen years, safe and sound and hopefully happy. But she’s a dark one – a darkling as I call her. So if not entirely happy, then at the very least – safe and sound.

The Always, Then & Now Tour…

Please check out his site with links for his upcoming shows. I am definitely a late comer to the Brannan bandwagon whenever he pulls through my city. But now that I am going this year, I am making it a goal never to miss when he swings through town. I hope you take advantage of the opportunity as well. Also be sure to check out his web store at the following link.

Jay’s Website – jaybrannan.com

Tags: Artist as Muse | Christmas Bites | Darklings | GBFFs | Jay Brannan | Keely | Teen Angst | Tweens | writing

31 Days of Brannan – Day 17

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Today’s Playlist –  Desert Rose  (work in progress)

I think I am fond of this entry for two reasons.

1) It’s a work in progress – writing my own series of novels I get this. I get the desire to put it out there. You want some sort of acknowledgment for your efforts. It’s the battle between creation and acceptance.

2) It’s creation – nothing is more stirring to me than an artist creating.

So I am half-way through my oeuvre, my collective thoughts and gratitude for Brannan’s work as a muse through my own writing experience. His work has fed my own. He never knew it, was never his intention. I don’t think it would be even if he knew he had inspired someone else. He’s simply too busy creating his own worlds, his own emotive and captivating spells with which to cast upon we poor hungry souls. Okay, maybe I am taking it a bit over the top.

Maybe…

But part of me doesn’t think so. Here’s the skinny on why that is.

Art is meant to inspire. Art, when done right, should evoke a response. Jay’s work has done that for me.

Angels of Mercy is a series that I am deeply engrossed in. I am “all in” with my own creative process but I would be remiss if I didn’t say thank you to Jay for giving me a well to pull from. Sure, my characters don’t have anything directly related to his work (other than my protagonist happens to be a fan of his work). But that part I did intentionally – it was my nod to say thank you to Jay for giving me something to work from. His art inspired my own. I feel a kindred spirit in that he does everything on his own. No big record company, no big shot promoter, no real corporate support of any kind. Just an out gay artist hitting the pavement, the airwaves and the net in any way he can to get his stuff out there. I am deeply inspired by that journey of his.

That’s why I am doing this.

That’s why I feel a deep sense of gratitude to him. An indebtedness that I will never be able to repay. His work gave me the momentum to reach for my own. For Angels, he is my muse. He never asked for it, isn’t a part of it directly in any way. But that’s okay. I’m good with that. He’s a busy guy. He’s got a life to lead. I’ll continue to admire from afar and be further inspired by his crafty and brilliant prose. One writer breathing life into another’s work. What greater compliment can one give to another?

I see your work. It gives me the desire to seek my own. It’s truly as simple as that.

So thank you, Jay. It’s a bright and brilliant thing you’ve got going on there. I am bang over the moon that my 50th will be celebrated with close friends and family that night at Bottom of the Hill here in San Francisco. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to do that. My writing muse – simply doing what he does best: spin tales, craft worlds, elicit emotive provocation from those of us who are fortunate to be there – sharing in your journey in a small but vital way to keep you going as you strive for being the best at what you do.

I thank you.

My characters, imaginary though they may be, thank you.

My creative process as I work through Angels of Mercy thanks you. Rob Me Blind is being played to death in iTunes (along with your other work) when I wrote volume one of the work. I don’t mind. That album is the inner emotive core of Elliot Donahey, my out shy gay boy in a semi-hostile environment who suddenly finds himself dating the highest profile jock on campus. A mouse thrust into a very bright light in a room full of cats. It’s a dark work, an edgy work, it’s brooding (as only gay boys can be when danger lurks around every corner). I don’t pull any punches in their relationship. It’s all out there for everyone to see. It’s unapologetic, it’s in your face. But that’s just how these boys are. This is how they spoke to me (and I get how cray-cray that may sound). But as an author writing gay lit fic, your characters are all you have to work with. If they aren’t speaking to you, then you aren’t in the right frame of mind to create.

So thanks, Jay. A deeply profound thanks. This is why I am spending this month leading up to your concert in SF on your work. Because it gave me my own.

The Always, Then & Now Tour…

Please check out his site with links for his upcoming shows. I am definitely a late comer to the Brannan bandwagon whenever he pulls through my city. But now that I am going this year, I am making it a goal never to miss when he swings through town. I hope you take advantage of the opportunity as well. Also be sure to check out his web store at the following link.

Jay’s Website – jaybrannan.com

Tags: Angels of Mercy | Artist as Muse | Brannan as Bard | emotive provocation | Jay Brannan | peerless writing | prose | writing